any journey will inevitably throw up some roadblocks…
am happy to discover a major one:
since the journey began, drawing and painting has been mainly technical, which is fine, since all art must have craft as its foundation… except that i’d like to feel something for the subjects i draw/paint
this prob explains why my stuff always turns out ’nice’ and twice removed, like some spaced out tourist gazing at scenery that doesn’t quite register
fuck nice. i’m sick of embracing pple and things at a distance.
i’ve known for some time what needs to be done, but never worked up the nerve/courage to attempt these, just worrying i’d mess up, and find out i’m just kidding myself, i can’t really draw. juz one big crazy mistake.
the way out, i’ve inadvertently discovered, is to trick yrself into trying… by ‘unformalizing’ the process, making it as casual as tossing yr clothes in the washer.
an example:
a white canvas is usu synonymous with oil painting (for me), and since oil painting has such an incredibly rich and complex history (just think of all the famous artists)… stepping up with a paint brush is almost tantamout to challenging this history. something which i feel totally inadequate for, like, “how dare i?!” sort of thing. other pple do not seem to have the slightest problem, but well, this is mine.
the best way out of this psychological struggle, is to switch to cheaper materials. 1) they no such associations. 2) cos its cheap, you fool yrself into thinking you can afford mistakes, literally.
it’s very effective, as i’ve accidentally discovered when my dad wanted to throw out a piece of cardboard. i applied gesso and drew my granny instead.
here are the first portraits of pple in my life. so this time art is truly personal.
